How is it that 3 months after all the boy drama I had this summer, that I still think about him EVERY DAY???
Seriously there is not a day that goes by that He doesn’t cross my mind. Ridiculous. Seriously Ridiculous.
I don’t want him back, he is not who I want in my life. But still I think about him. I miss him. Or more specifically I miss the things we did together. I think that’s really what it is. I miss the companionship. The partner in crime.
But it doesn’t make it any easier. Even though I know in my head that it is over and there is no going back no additional chances, doesn’t mean that I don’t have this wave of sadness and disappointment come over me when he pops in my head. Every day. That’s what makes it so frustrating. I feel like the fact that he crosses my mind everyday still give him a power over me. A power that is keeping me from moving on. I know very logically that I am moved on. I know very logically that I am happier and focusing on the future. But then bam I lay in bed and think about how much fun it would be to do xyz with him.
I know I am in control of my thoughts, I am pretty much able to shut my mind down from going down this path, but it still sucks I have to “Work” to do that. I wish he wasn’t even on my radar.
How do I do that? How do I forget about him all together?
Someone I met the other day asked me what my hobbies were and I was stumped. I couldn’t really think of anything. At least not in the traditional, I like to do crafts, sew or collect stamps.
Then I began to wonder, do I have hobbies? Do I need hobbies? Uh oh… I am lazy and don’t have any. I went into this whole analyzing thing I do with my mind sometimes that gets me all worked up. Then I stopped.
But I do have hobbies.
Wine nights (hehe)
Posted in Life
Tagged Hobby, Recreation
I love Crossfit. I do not love burpees, wall balls, running but I love crossfit.
I have been doing it for 11 months. Sort of, I was off the wagon in Sept and October, but I am back on and feeling great. I love the competitive part. While I don’t “compete” with my other classmates, they do help to push me past what I think I should do. I put the extra five lbs on the bar becuase she does, and I know if she can I can.
I also love how everything is measurable. It pushes me to beat the time last time, or a new PR in a strength movement. I like how I can see that everyone else similar did it in 8 min so I set my WOD goal approprately.
Goals are another good thing about crossfit. I feel that I am more committed to it becuase I set goals and have things measured. I am more accountable to myself this way.
I like what it does for my body. Of course I love the fact that I feel powerful because I can lift 115 lbs over my head. Who wouldn’t!
The community. The other unexpected benefit of crossfit. While I am still struggling to feel a real part of my box’s community, I can’t blame crossfit for that. While it is a little clicky, that is really just because a lot of the members have known each other growing up together or before coming to crosfit. Even with that everyone is very nice, encouraging and motivating. I just haven’t been able to take any of these frendships outside the box yet. Thats ok. That is partly my problem too, everytime we have had a box sponsered social event I have been out of town or working my part time job. So that of course makes it seem that I am not interested either. But as part of my goal to embrace the area full on for the next year… I am embracing crossfit more and plan on partciapting in any next social event regardless of other obligations. Maybe we will have a ladies night out xmas party!
I am in hibernation mode. Don’t want to spend money, don’t want to eat out, don’t really want to be social. Want to focus on ME. I want to go to the gym, eat well, sleep well and do what makes me happy.
How is this different than other times? Who knows, all I know is that Hibernation mode has set in. I think honestly it is really driven by 2 things. 1. My clothes are not fitting well and 2. I am Broke.
Yup Broke. I really have been spending like crazy the last 6 months and it is catching up with me. So that lack of money is forcing me to hibernate. Is that a good thing? Possibly. It does allow me to focus more on the eating well, sleeping well etc. But it also ends up being kind of lame. Also kind of Frustrating.
I mean its frustrating to not have the money to go out for wine night or to a concert/festival this Thanksgiving weekend. So while some of it is frustrating because I want to do those things, I have to look bigger picture. If I buckle down the next 2 months then I will be rewarded in the end. I will have paid down some debt and I will probably loose the 15 lbs I have gained back over the last 6 months.
Ironic that my fun last 6 months also equals gaining back 15 lbs. I have come to realization in my life that to stay where I want in regards to my body image, requires a Tight diet and exersise. But really more about the diet, which is the hardest part becuase I love food and drink. I am no way obssessed with how I look but I have come to understand a few things about what helps to drive my happiness and one is the way I look and feel and that has a direct correlation with my diet. Thanks to food sensitivities. So back to the clean, low carb eating and hopefully the bloat (muffin top), dry skin and itchy scalp, acne and a few other things will go away.
So while I sometimes get annoyed that I am in forced Hibernation mode due to finances, I have to quickly remind myself that there is a reason for it and a much bigger reward.
This is lame I know. But honestly we have had FANTASTIC Fall weather this year. I have really been trying to see the “pretty” in the day to day. I noticed the Cherry Trees outside our office are blooming. That is not right. I hope they still bloom in May.
All the leaves have peaked now. Its so neat to see how the light and different times of the day make it prettier than others. Its about to get dreary though. December-Feb. Triad weather is just not that pretty.
Ok. enough about the weather. I plan on having a pretty relaxing November. Maybe I can stay in touch more. I mean its hard to keep a blog. I always reflect on what I want to write while driving. Not convenient. I need one of those digital voice recorders that would transpose for me. Are they out there? They probably cost a lot though.
Wow, I can’t believe a month has already flown by since my last blog. I told myself when I started this that I have to check in, I have to post regularly. Otherwise what’s the point, right? Well look at me two months in and already not keeping up!
Oh Well. I got a promotion, then it was furniture market, and then a homecoming. And wow look boy how time flies.
I will do some posts on my last few weeks…Shakori Hills Music festival, High Point furniture market, Pearl jam Concert but in the meantime I am just happy to finally be getting settled back in my normal routine.
I went down to Columbia for my annual South Carolina Football game this past weekend and boy it was a blast! I always go down and catch a game with my girlfriend. I have known Courtney for 13 yrs! We have so much fun and always laugh until our stomachs hurt. This trip was no different. I am so thankful to have a great friend like Court.
As we chatted over coffee this morning, she gave me some sage advice. I need to take the next year and embrace where I am and decide if this is really the place for me. I keep saying, is High Point my final destination? I live in an apartment rather than buying town home because I feel like I want to have the flexibility to move at a moments notice. But its really crazy at the same time because I love my job and I am starting to make roots here, so maybe I am more settled than I think. But anyways, Court’s advice was that I need to embrace this town as if I am going to make it home and stay here and see how I really feel in a year. And so I am going to change my attitude about the Triad and High Point and look at it as my final destination and see how I feel. See if I end up feeling differently about what I call home.
In the meantime the month of November is hopefully going to be somewhat quiet. I need some time to recoup. I feel like I have been on the go since summer! Not that I am complaining because the last 10 months have been fantastic! I just need to relax and recharge over the next few weeks. Not to mention I am sure work will stay super crazy anyways!
Gamecock 2001 Entrance video